Cutting Room Floor:

Turkey Shoot

Recently, I decided to do a little investigative reporting. Of interest was an eyebrow-raising sign at 3204 & 1/2 Gallatin Pike. American Legion Post 82 Inglewood. Turkey Shoot!
     What’s going on down there? I did a bit of Googling. One short paragraph mentioned family fun and bonding over shotguns.
     I had questions. Are shotguns provided or is it a BYOG situation? Are wild turkeys flapping around and being fired upon at will? Are the wild turkeys I brake for on Brush Hill Road escapees from a firing squad?
     On three separate occasions, with my editor Chuck along for the ride (just in case the need for an ambulance arose), I attempted to find out for myself. I regret to inform you that we were unsuccessful in our journalistic endeavor. On two Sundays and one Saturday, we were too late for gunplay. Much like Jeff Spicoli in Mr. Hand’s class, we just couldn’t make it on time. Tardiness and shotguns apparently do not mix.
     We did however find some answers, as well as more questions. The participants are shooting at targets, not turkeys. This was something of a letdown, although first place does take home a frozen turkey. Two signs on the wall of the shotgun shack caught my eye: “No Profanity Allowed. Women Present.” Commendable. The other was more troubling: “No sleeve guns.” I don’t know what a sleeve gun is. A Travis Bickle-esque handgun attached to the arm on a spring-loaded track? “You talkin to me?” That’s probably not a bad thing to ban.
     Adventures such these, even when the ultimate goal remains unfulfilled, do have small rewards. Being skeptical about the acceptance of credit cards on a shooting range, Chuck decided we might need some cash. In line at the ATM, we couldn’t help but notice a decal on the cab window of the pickup truck in front of us. Two ducks pictured peacefully. In between them, simply put, “If it’s flyin’, it’s dyin’.”